Tonight I was thinking over some of the things I had mistakenly thought I would avoid when I became a mother. Some are mindsets, others are patterns of behavior… either way, I can’t believe how WRONG I was…
Stereotype #1:
“My kid is the cutest kid in the world!” OR: A mother’s honest belief that her child is the best looking child, EVER.
This has always greatly annoyed me when hearing another mother spout this. Having been an outside observer to many of those children, I could tell a number of them were not up to par in the looks department, if you know what I mean. I knew that I would not be so blind. If my child looked a bit funny, I would not make such statements of grandeur!
THANK GOODNESS I was gifted with a son who is ridiculously good looking, otherwise this would be pretttty hypocritical. At first, I never brought up his insane good looks to other people, because it was pretty obvious. However, I have different friends who have randomly talked about how THEIR kids were the cutest, which, curiously, was even after they had seen Levi. Denial, obviously. Sometimes I’ve felt bad for them.
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I’m just kidding!! Ok, seriously… my friends do have really cute kids. Which I’m grateful for, because it would be hard to listen to them discuss how cute they think their kids are without my true thoughts showing on my face (or accidentally blurting out something like “Just stop your lies already!! Have you looked at your child lately??”) However… this stereotype is completely accurate, because I have finally reached the point where I am positive that Levi is the cutest little boy I have ever seen. Ever. I don’t expect other people to feel this way, at least… but I wouldn’t blame them if they happened to agree. As a matter of fact, just tonight I was sitting by Levi as he was eating, and I thought, “Oh my gosh! How did I end up with such an ADORABLE kid?? He is gorgeous!!” I find myself being increasingly amazed and awed by his blatantly handsome features. I’m one lucky mom.
However, I’m just going to say this here, I dislike when other moms post statuses that say “My son is the cutest!” Sure, there’s free speech and all that hullabaloo (yeah, I said that), and I’m sure they really do think so… buuut it makes me feel just a TEENSY bit defensive, because, quite frankly, I totally do not agree, and I then have to fight the urge to start a very public fb argument letting them know that they are sadly mistaken. ALL I’m sayin’ is…just be a little bit more accurate, like “My son is the cutest person in the world TO ME.” Not only is that accurate, but it is undisputable.
(Side Note: If you are reading this and thinking, hey, I’ve done that…is she talking about me? Yes. The answer is Yes. Don’t ask me about it. Write your own blog about how you disagree and if I ever come across it, I’ll totally know it’s aimed at me and you will be completely vindicated.)
Stereotype #2:
“I won’t be like THAT mom. I’m going to be a GOOD mom!”
I realize this covers a broad area. For me, this covers –yelling at your child in public, -giving a toy/dessert to stop a meltdown, -a bedtime after 8pm, -meals that are not completely nutritious, and -spanking out of anger. There’s a LOT more, but to keep this less than 20 pages, I’m going to end the list early.
While I have realized it’s impossible to be a perfect mom (just stop, those of you who just exclaimed out loud “What? Alicia’s not perfect?? Do I have to tear down her shrine now, or does this just mean she’s even more awesome because I can relate to her??”), sometimes it is depressing to look back on the list of things that I was “not going to do as the perfect mom,” and realize that I have done ALL of them, and some of them on a steady basis. It’s humbling, to say the least. (I will clarify that I no longer spank out of anger…That’s an issue that I had to have God’s help to work through… now I’m proud to say I just threaten spanking. It works just as well.) (I may be just kidding about that last part. Maybe.)
I regret past judgments I’ve made on other moms, harshly judging them when I had no idea they were exhausted and could probably use a month’s vacation away from their seemingly innocent child who was really a terror at home. I didn’t realize that you can’t just force a child to eat a nutritious meal…they will eat what they want, in the amount they want (even if it’s just a few bites), and I just have to deal with it. I know there may be someone reading this now thinking that I’m wrong, but that just means you were lucky enough to have a child who likes what you are feeding them. Don’t judge! I have tried EVERYTHING with Levi, even tried to force feed from fear of him starving, and he learned how to throw up on command. So much for my ideas. He’s gradually starting to eat better (he likes broccoli! Hallelujah!)… but it was all on his own timing. It is so HARD having a child as stubborn as me.
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This is quite the experience: Motherhood. It’s not for the prideful, I’ve learned, because it SUCKS constantly finding out how wrong I am about… well, about everything. Some are simple things, like thinking I won’t fall into silly stereotypes like thinking my son is the best looking human toddler on the planet (which, TO ME, he is.) Others are deeper, more personal issues that tend to hurt when I fall short, and bring me face to face with my own weaknesses.
On the up side, I’m learning that I don’t need to be perfect for Levi to turn out alright. He is such an awesome kid, which consistently amazes me, because I sometimes wonder how my missteps and constant failings haven’t turned him into a raging monster. He is so sweet, and POLITE! My kid is POLITE! He says “thank you” and “you’re welcome,” “bless you,” “excuse me,” and he JUST learned “please!” I TAUGHT HIM THAT!! Oh, and listen to this… he even throws away his own dirty diapers…and when he goes to take them from me to throw away, he says “Thank You!!!” HaHA! It cracks me up every time!
I’m pretty sure every mom has different ideas for what they’re going to be like when they’re a mom, and I’m just as sure that many of them are as off track as I was (at least I tell myself that to feel better). Thank goodness it’s OKAY to be wrong about these things! Thank goodness that being wrong doesn’t destroy our children… in fact, what it tends to do is make us stronger parents.
So YAY for being wrong! (That’s the only time you’ll hear ME admit to that, just so you know)
Oh---before I end this, and to prevent possible smiting from God, I’d like to state that I know none of you have shrines of me in your homes. I do not expect you to have them either, no matter how awesome I may or may not be (pshaaaw… not be... yeah right!)
I think that’s it.
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