Is it just me, or were kid’s shows 500 billion times better when I was a kid? I’m sure they probably would annoy me a bit if I watched them now, of course. However, even the ‘good’ cartoons nowadays that I don’t mind Levi watching annoy me endlessly, even if they do have a good moral or teach Levi lessons in ABC’s or other educational subjects. I have an example playing in front of me as I write this:
Word World. I want to go to a fancy restaurant that offers Duck just so I can aggressively tear into it to get out my feelings of frustration and annoyance that I experience every time the Duck in this cartoon opens his lisping mouth and complains. Or how about the st-st-st-stuttering sheep? Why hasn’t she been turned into a luscious meal of braised lamb chops? Is it necessary for them all to have some sort of speech impediment? (Not that I think PEOPLE with speech impediments should be turned into a delicious meal. I’m not sure humans would taste that great, and there are several moral issues with that anyway.) (Also, a disclaimer: I had a speech impediment growing up, which totally allows me to make jokes.)
The Backyardigans...**~shudder~** I’m not sure which of them I hate the most. Tasha is a stuck up, demanding little hippo who bosses them all around. Uniqua (what kind of name IS that?) just annoys me in general...what animal IS she? Is she just meant to be confusing? I won’t even mention how whoever does her voice talks. Like. She. Is. Just. Reading. Her. Script. For. The. First. Time. I can’t even think of the penguin Pablo without wanting to punch him in his obnoxious little beak (although I do enjoy the fact that I was able to unintentionally use alliteration in that sentence). His character is tantamount to a person diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, ADHD, and who has a severe dependency on crack and speed. I suppose I do like Austin the kangaroo and the moose Tyrone most of the time. I don’t actually think I’ve ever been annoyed by the moose, now that I think about it. Now that I’ve written that, I’ve JUST noticed how each of those animals seem to represent a different group of people. I can understand the Canadian Moose and Australian Kangaroo… however, a Latino Penguin throws me for a loop, and are they implying an inherent overweight problem with the American people by using a Hippo for America? Or is she representing Africa? Is Uniqua, the lizard/chameleon/unknown animal, our rep? What are they trying to say? Is she a mixture of animals, thus resembling a symbolic melting pot?
I’m just kidding. I’m sure they didn’t put that much thought into it.
…AND The Wiggles! Who came up with that name, first of all? Was it Captain FeatherSword (I’m not even discussing the innuendo in his name), who just slightly gives the impression of…I don’t know…say… a pedophile? “Come here little kids and sit on Captain FeatherSword’s lap!”
NO.
I almost forgot WONDER PETS. Another duck with a speech impediment and an overwhelmingly suffocating ego that makes you wish she had been made into scrambled eggs as a baby. Her ego is unrealistic considering her inability to say her “r’s.” Believe me, I know, having had the same speech imp. and growing up with a brother named “Aram.” His mockery is what helped me say my r’s without speech therapy. Let’s get with the program, Wonder Pets. She’s not going to fix anything with that ego.
Well, I believe I’ve gotten out some of that angst I’ve been feeling for awhile now. At least there’s still Veggie Tales, which, for the most part, doesn’t annoy me. Junior’s singing voice is a tad grating, considering his voice cracks and breaks on every high note, but that’s about it. At least he’s cute.
In ending, I hope I have not offended anyone who might have (or know, or be related to someone who has) a speech impediment, a love of human meat, a pet duck who lisps and can’t say his “r’s,” or a secret crush on the aforementioned Captain and his FeatherSword. Also, if there are Penguins in Latin America and I’m just ignorant as to where, feel free to enlighten me. I happened to fail World Geography.
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