Better. [Friends] [Family] [Me]

Last year, I was thankful for my business doing better.

This year, I am so incredibly grateful because I'm doing better, myself!

I had such a hard time taking the necessary steps to leave behind toxic friendships, or friendships that were very one sided this past year (or two).

I struggled with thoughts of loneliness, and my anxiety grew to an all time high level.

But in losing those friends, I started focusing on the good friends I still had. I also made myself get out and join a ladies' bible study so I'd have consistent interaction with other adults.

And things started to change.

Instead of anxiety before our Monday morning meetings, I felt exhilarated and couldn't wait to sit and talk with the amazing women in my group. I went in vowing I'd not be the crier of the group, and found that, not only was that basically a standard practice for everyone involved, but it was encouraged, and apologizing for tears wasn't allowed.

My closest friend called regularly, occasionally just wanting to vent or cry, and I started to realize that, unlike what I had always worried, she wasn't annoyed with me or being my friend out of pity: she genuinely enjoyed my friendship and needed me as much as I needed her.

She is good for me, too, because she's inspired me to better myself in areas I've lacked that she's strong in. She is really an incredible friend, and I am so blessed to have her in my life.

I've grown closer with my youngest (foster) sister, who married and moved about 10 minutes away from me. Family is everything to me, and our continued conversations, plans and get togethers this past year have meant more than I could express through writing. She has always been such an encouragement to me with my business, and we're much nicer to each other now that we're adults . I loved being close with Jessica, and am so happy that we are becoming closer now, too.

Another friend that I really adore opened up to me about her similar anxiety and the medication she was on, and I talked my doctor into letting me try it (after a disastrous failed attempt at a different antidepressant). This medication started working immediately, and I learned that not only had I been dealing with anxiety, but an extreme level of depression. I can't imagine how long it would've taken me to find something that worked, and had almost talked myself out of trying. I am so grateful for her advice and friendship!

Now? Now I feel better than normal, because my normal has always been tied in with some form of anxiety. I feel normal sadness and anger, and then get over it quickly, instead of spiraling and ending up immobile on the couch, feeling like I can't breath. I can make a plan and work on it without having to take numerous breaks from loss of motivation, and I usually end up doing more than planned.

I'm not eating constantly, or obsessed with food anymore. I can fall asleep before 2am, too. Sometimes even as early as 9pm!

I don't cry over everything anymore, and I'm making changes to my home, my appearance, and everything I see daily so that it all embodies a look I find comfort in. I'm not worried about what other people think. I am comfortable and happy!

I still have normal anxiety, of course. This medication isn't a magical cure all. But I'm SO. MUCH. BETTER. And I'm so, so grateful!

I guess I should've started this saying that what I was really grateful for this year is my friends! Thank you for sticking through my down times and encouraging me to be a better person! I'm sure I've missed some people but those mentioned here have had the biggest impact. I appreciate all of you