Dresses, Ducks, and Diarrhea (of the mouth)

It's not even 5 o'clock, yet today has been filled with more up and downs than I'm used to encountering in the span of just one day. It's ironic, as I was just thinking last night that I had not blogged in awhile. Trying to come up with an explanation as to why, I realized that my life has just been pretty boring lately. I mean, yes, we did move... but that's not really fun for me to blog about. Anyway, I had a vague thought that it'd be nice if I could come up with something soon.

So today happened. I thought, in the beginning, that it was going to be just an unusually good day. It was perfectly sunny and warm with enough of a breeze that I wouldn't be pouring sweat out of every pore in my body. (TMI for you?? Well just be glad you don't have to live with it!!!)

I decided that instead of lounging about all day aimlessly (sure, there's dishes that need to be done, but they're not growing mold...yet), I would, once again, try to find a dress for my foster brother's upcoming wedding in July. I've only been to the same stores 30+ times in the past month searching, but I was determined that today would bring about one of two things: a dress, or a drastic diet so that I could wear one of the thirty million dresses I had tried on that were apparently made for girls shaped like a size 0 beanpole.

I FOUND A DRESS! Thanks to a tip from my (fantastically awesome) friend Kristina, I went to JCPenney after going through piles of dresses at Gordman's, Kohl's and Target. (Does anyone else feel super guilty about walking into a changing room carrying a ton of garments, and then carrying them back out and handing every single one to the fitting room attendant? Sometimes I pretend like I'm keeping one so they won't think I'm just trying on things for the heck of it, and then I'll discreetly put it back.) I don't think I've ever seen that large of a selection of dresses, EVER, and half of the racks were on clearance for $15. Um, awesome! So I tried on 30 dresses, and the last one was perfect. I go to pay, and I experience my first "down" of the day. There was only one older woman ahead of me, and between her and the equally slow cashier, THEY TOOK OVER HALF AN HOUR to check out... and the older woman only had ONE SHIRT! ONE SHIRT!!! I almost had an aneurism. The cashier got her payback, though, because while we waited, Levi rearranged the entire stock of gift cards, which were placed at a curiously low spot against their counters.

Then came another shocking down... the dress wasn't actually on sale because someone put it in the wrong spot... it was $50! Did I really want to pay that when I thought I was only paying $15? But did I want to go try to find another dress after all that trouble?

But then a shocking 'up' happened...:THEY LET ME HAVE THE DRESS FOR $15!!!

I LOVE YOU JCPENNEY!! And I apologize that my son mixed up your display of gift cards. Now I feel guilty.

So I was on an 'up' high upon leaving the store. I thought, "this deserves a celebration!! To Sonic, where we shall feast upon tater tots and Strawberry Slushes for half price (bc it was 2:30, half price drinks, which I NEVER make)!!" What a fantastically awesome day this was turning out to be!!

Now, there is this weird phenomenon (I don't know what else to call it) that occurs whenever Levi has any form of ice cream mixed with regular food. I don't know why. I wish I knew why. I wish I REMEMBERED not to feed him ice cream and food close together... but my memory hates me and wants to make me suffer (I can only assume). Either way, it causes him to throw up. Of course, the list of things that make him throw up is extensive... and it gets hard to keep track. I have an entire throw up kit in the car, filled w a bin, paper towels, wipes, disinfectant spray, and more that I finally put together because I was sick of having to take apart his car seat weekly to wash the throw up out. I thought I was prepared.

So we're driving away from sonic, happily sipping our slushes, munching on tots, and smiling bc of the fact that the day could not be more perfect.... but no. That last part is wrong. I was the only one smiling, I realized, when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Levi start SPEWING mashed up tater tots and slushy all over the backseat. Usually I get a warning, an 'uh-oh mommy, I feel sick,' to let me know I need to pull over and roll down his window. Not this time.

My good mood plummeted as I quickly changed course and pulled in to a back driveway that ran behind an Aldi's and Office Depot to clean Levi off. Upon stopping, I got out of the car, shut my door, and promptly threw what might possibly be the worst temper tantrum of my life.

I yelled, I cursed, I waved my fists and screamed. I screamed things like, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, oh my #*$$#*% GOSH, WHYYYYY???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" and "SERIOUSLY???? I CANNOT TAKE THIS!!!!! I. CAN. NOT. TAKE. THIS!!!!! I HATE THROW UP!!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!" and more "AHHHHHHHH's!!!"

I know. It was very mature of me.

Anyway, I was in the middle of a particularly agonizing wail when I heard a car door slam in the background... and I turned around to realize that I was not, in fact, blocked by the back of a bunch of stores like I thought. Aldi's was at an angle, and their side parking lot (that I didn't notice) was directly behind me, filled with random people who were standing and staring at me.

Fantastic.

On the plus side, I wasn't screaming at my kid... he was still safely enclosed in the backseat while my tirade went on. However, I'm sure I looked totally insane standing by my car and screaming curses at the sky. Completely mortified, I shut up and got Levi out and cleaned his car seat and replaced his clothes with the extras I had in the car for throw up emergencies.

Eventually, we got back in the car and I sat there for a bit, wondering why my day couldn't have just continued being unusually nice. I was feeling ridiculously sorry for myself and still beating back my embarrassment from earlier when a duck stepped out in front of my car, followed by four teeny tiny ducklings. It was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen, and I went from feeling bad to having to quell the overwhelming urge I had to jump out of the car and steal a little ducky to bring home. I had to seriously debate whether it was worth it to get attacked by the mama duck, and besides, I was pretty sure I wouldn't know how to raise a duckling. Levi, in the backseat, was utterly thrilled, saying over and over "Duckies, mommy!! Duckies!!" ...and just like that, my day went uphill again.

Currently, Levi is down for a nap. I'm scared to go anywhere and do anything in case there is another 'down' waiting for me before the day is through. Overall, it was a really good day though, with normal small annoyances, and for that, I am thankful. Sure, the throw up can get a bit overwhelming at times, but I can blame John for passing on his overactive gag reflex to our child. Personally, it seems like HE should have to clean it up... but I digress. I got a new dress for an awesome price, I enjoyed some Sonic (and so did the backseat of my car), I got to see the most adorable ducklings up close, and now Levi's down for his nap and I get to catch up on some Grimm.