Diary of a Starving Mom: Day 2

Lots of anger today. Exhaustion, and anger. Not even that hungry--just filled with rage. Diet Alicia should be avoided at all costs.

Went to Target with the kids to buy a blender and shaker cup. After checkout, I stood off to the side of the checkout area for a bit, slowly putting on my coat and gloves. The customer behind me, an older gentleman, called out, "Is this yours?" and I turned and noticed I'd left my purse on the counter. Said loudly, "Thanks! I wouldn't have noticed til I got out to my car and realized I didn't have my keys! Ha! Ha!" 

The gentleman and his wife gave me pity laughs and smiles with worry in their eyes. I realized why when, after walking out of the doors, I realized my keys were in fact around my neck, and not in my purse. Diet Alicia has no brain power, it seems. It is all being funneled into just staying upright and not chopping random people in their necks.

Driving home, I yelled at any car that came near mine, just because. How dare they exist? Wtf. Glanced in my rearview mirror at myself and was shocked to see a perma-scowl on my face. Was I just driving around glaring at everyone? Is this my new face now? 

Merisa, my (*sponsor*--again, no one has told me if this is the correct term--come ON, people!), told me this was not actually normal for most people in their program. Apparently, my super fantastic diet of basically-straight sugar for the past few years is worse than most. Good I'm getting a handle on it now, I suppose! 

So, there's my update for today. I hope you weren't expecting anything better, folks. This is alls I got! 

Diary of a Starving Mom: Day 1

Thoughts may be scattered. So hungry.

Okay. Events in chronological order seems like the right way to go here: 

-Few Days Ago: Decided No-Shave November was getting way out of control and decided to tackle that mess. Found new stretch marks on my thighs and debated ending it all right there. (Did not end it all. Clearly.)

-Yesterday: got to Jiu Jitsu way too early and stopped into my fave shake place to chat. Was somehow reeled into a 3 day trial and found myself standing, barefoot (*shudder*), on a scale that told me I was half muscle and half fat. So, you know, winning. Was sent home with enough shakes to cover 2x a day for 3 days and some energy pills. They are not technically called energy pills, but I like to call a spade a spade--let's move on. 

-Today 8am: Armed with texts explaining what to eat and when, I tackled my first do-it-myself shake at 8am. I'm disappointed in my shake making skills for sure, but it was still delicious. Took away my hunger for a bit, so that was a win. 

Randomly texted my sponsor Merisa (is that what they're called? Feels like a sponsor) just because I like the attention. Merisa really should have caught on already, but if she hasn't, I'm going to be super dramatic ("extra," as the youngsters say) through this entire process. It's a good thing I'm hilarious. 

Started to get hungry again, as I've been on a 24/7 eat all you want diet the past 10 years, so made myself take a nap. Woke up mumbling "...frosted blueberry donuts, please" and was surprised that a Dunkin Donuts employee wasn't standing there to greet me.

-Today 12pm: I've been staring at the funyons every time I walk through the kitchen. Promised them I'd be back by snacktime. Checked the time and realized--it IS snacktime! HALLELUJAH! Had to recheck the snack checklist, and was devastated (not an overstatement, folks) to find out that my options were limited to things I don't have in my kitchen. Apparently, these folks aren't on the same page snack-wise as I am. Disappointing. 

Do you want to know what I just "snacked" on? After searching frantically for food that fit within the caloric parameters set before me, I had to finally settle on a CAN OF FRENCH STYLE GREEN BEANS. 

Is this a new low? I mean, how isn't it?! 

So now I have about 2 more hours until my next shake, and I'm starving. STARVING! And I'm daydreaming about ribs. Note: BBQ Ribs, not finally being able to see mine again someday. Although I suppose that's a potential perk? 

Pray for me, friends. 

I'll update in a couple days! Because, you know, as previously stated: I like attention. Duh.