I want to
just go ahead and say that I'm really enjoying Levi's third year of life. I am
so glad the terrible two's are over!! It is shocking what a difference there is
in his attitude and behavior!
Of course, as
I type that, I must admit it's not all super fantastic, as he is currently
standing behind me, fussing and trashing the living room. BUT I'm just going to
ignore that for now. I'd rather deal with that every once in a blue moon
instead of CONSTANTLY (ages two to birth...haha. But seriously).
It's also
still frustrating at times, but I'm pretty positive that that will never
change, no matter how old he gets. I'm just happy that it is now NORMAL to have
ENTIRE days where he doesn't cry...not even once!
He's not the
only one with a pretty drastic attitude change, either. About a month (or two?)
ago, I determined that I was going to find a nearby church and go EVERY.
SINGLE. SUNDAY. No more excuses (I don't know anyone, I don't want to go alone,
etc..). How am I supposed to teach Levi the importance of making God a priority
if I don't? And, for a much less holier endeavor, I really wanted to
make some new friends. So I prayed about it constantly for two weeks, and
chickened out the first two times I tried going (It is HARD to go to a new
church alone!!), but finally sucked it up and went. And guess what? IT WAS
HORRIBLE!!! No one talked to me, no one
even smiled, and I felt like a total outcast. BUT, it was the first time Levi
EVER willingly walked into a nursery without crying... so I took it as a sign
and decided to stay for the sermon. IT WAS AMAZING! Literally, it was one of
the best sermons I've ever heard. So I decided I would come back the next
Sunday, and I did. I prayed about finding the courage to reach out and try to
get people to talk to me, but the next Sunday was exactly the same. It's like
the people who attend that church work hard not to notice new people, which is
strange, because that church's entire focus is to minister to the south side of
South Bend, and I only chose that church because of the flyers they left in my
mailbox. I'm curious as to how they plan on keeping the new people they bring
in... but I digress. While I debated giving up on that church, I listened to
another sermon... and it was just as good as the first! It was exactly what I
needed to hear, AGAIN. And I realized something while I was sitting there.
While church can be a place for socializing, I was not really there to make
friends. I WANTED to, but what I NEEDED was to work on my relationship with God
first. Those sermons addressed specific areas of my life that needed serious
attention, and as I tried to apply them to my life over the following days, I
immediately noticed a difference in my attitude. I was happier, calmer, and
making better decisions in my day to day life. It also seemed to directly
affect Levi, who also seemed calmer and much better behaved. Of course--so much
of his attitude stems from our interactions, and if I am unhappy or stressed,
then it directly affects him. I thought making new friends would help me feel
better and make me happier, but what I really needed was a stronger
relationship with God, and so far, it's going well. I have been back to that
church about four times since then, and have finally managed to make friends
with a really nice family who sits behind me. I still sit alone, and it is
still horribly awkward and uncomfortable walking in and sitting down by myself
(after dropping off Levi), but I am definitely learning and growing closer to
God. The people in that church aren't there for ME, to make me feel comfortable
and to be my friends (even though, I admit, I have secretly hoped the pastor
would do a sermon admonishing his church to be nicer to new people, haha). Even
that church isn't REALLY for 'me,' it is for GOD. I think I was much too
focused on what church could do for ME, and how the people should treat ME,
when instead it is about God, to worship Him, and to learn how to become closer
with Him. In return, I am totally being blessed, and who knows, maybe when the
time is right, I will start making some new friends. I'm just glad that's not
my number one focus anymore.
You know,
this is one of those times when I did NOT mean for my writing to go in this
direction. I was going to write about some of Levi's funny quirks (and the way
he yells "stop hitting me, mommy!!!" when I poke him when he's
misbehaving in public. It. Is. Horrifying.!!!) BUT... it is what it is. I'm
happy, Levi's happy, and we've found a good church.
(Don't worry,
I'll let everyone know about my crazy child's antics later :) But for now, I have
to go get ready for a dinner date @ Antonio's with my awesome friend
Kristina....YUMMM!)
