I have what is known to most as The Common Cold. However, I’m thinking my cold should have a different name… Early Onset Alzheimer’s. My memory, on a normal day, is not what you would call exceptional…or good… or even fair, really. It scares me when I think of what I’ll be like when I’m old. Not only will I not remember anyone I used to know, I probably won’t even remember myself. And this will be when I’m 45. HOWEVER, I am drifting off topic. My point is that if my memory was bad before, with a cold it is a billion times worse. So here I am, trying to write down the events of the day before I forget them. (I kid you not…I walked away from my laptop to go get Levi a sippy cup, and I forgot I was writing this. I came back to the couch, sat down, picked up my laptop to see why I had left it open and went, Ohhhh yeah!) Now that I think about it, I’ve actually forgotten one of the things I wanted to write about. *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*I’m scared, people. I’m scared.
First of all, I’m scared about the things I will accidentally eat when my brain takes a hike. Standing in the kitchen earlier, I was making gravy to add to my meal of mashed potatoes and green beans. Gravy, you should know, makes everything better. Anyway, I was making the powder kind, and had just stirred in the cold water. My mind started drifting as I stirred, thinking about things I have going on tomorrow, and I must’ve stood there stirring that gravy for a good five minutes. I eventually came back to the present, and looked down at the bowl in my arms. No joke—I thought, “mmm, chocolate!” and took a huge bite.
LET ME JUST SAY that no matter how delicious gravy might be, when it is cold and you are expecting chocolate----it is the most horrifying substance IN THE WORLD. **GAG**
I’m also worried about the people I will accidentally offend. Before the gravy incident, I was standing in the kitchen cooking some chicken on the stove when I got a text. Figuring it was my cousin Sarah (as we had been texting back and forth all night), I was surprised to see it was a different friend…and she texted saying she on her way to the mall. Ok… random… and OH MY GOSH I told her I would possibly try to meet her and her kids there for a play date (for both Levi AND mommy), not even an hour ago! How could I have forgotten that?? A chance to escape the house and meet up with a friend… really, Alicia? Way to sabotage your own happiness and sanity! I then texted her back saying I’d try to make it up with brownies… and sent that text to my cousin accidentally. Don’t worry, I got it right the second time around. *siiigh*
Speaking of sanity, I am surprised I didn’t lose it permanently earlier today, before either of these events had taken place. Tired, stuffy, and desperate for caffeine, I searched the house for a cola, only to realize I had moved the box when cleaning the previous day and couldn’t remember where I had placed it. Of course. So I decided that instead of using my cold as an excuse to stay in my pj’s all day, looking like my hair was the result of being caught in the crossfire of dueling leaf blowers, I would get showered, PUT ON MAKEUP (this hasn’t happened in a WHILE, folks), and go grocery shopping and pick up some extra caffeinated beverages. Thus began a grueling, hour-long, pathetically desperate search for my purse. You can easily guess how this ended, first because I put on ONLY eye makeup, which is like taunting fate (at least for me), and second because, if you’ve been reading my blogs to date, you know that I have a penchant for excessive crying and frequent break downs. I hadn’t wanted to bother John, who was sleeping before his work shift (he works a regular daytime shift AND a midnight shift at a different job), but then that mythical straw that is commonly known for breaking random camel’s backs made its appearance in the form of Levi. In an attempt to distract him and keep him out of my hair during my search, I handed him a bag of S’mores Goldfish, hoping the deliciousness contained within that bag would weave its magic over my child and keep him far from my path of fury. While in the midst of fighting back tears of frustration after searching the same spot for the umpteenth time, I heard a weird sound, and then “oh no!” I trembled where I was standing, because up to that point, my fight against Tears Destroying My Mascara was barely being won. Should I go look? Did I really have an option? So I went… and there, in my front hallway, I learned what a bag of s’mores goldfish looks like when it has been spread across an entire hallway. Then I heard a crunch, and looked up to see My Glorious Son carefully stepping on a small pile. What is with my kid and his desire for utter destruction?? And has he not learned the signs of Impending Mommy Breakdown (aka DOOM)? APPARENTLY NOT!
So John was awakened. Not quietly, either, but by hysterical sobbing as I threw myself on the bed and yelled “I CAN’T F-F-F-FIND MY P-PURSE!!” I applaud John on his ability to look sincerely concerned, especially when, if I were him, I probably would have laughed hysterically and/or sat there with my mouth hanging open, wondering what kind of crazy person I had married. Instead, my amazing husband immediately called up his work, switched his shift with another guy, and went in search of my purse. As he looked in spots already combed over by me, I sat in the background sobbing and sputtering. “I already l-l-looked there! It’s gone forever! I just wanted to get out of the h-h-h-hoooouse!!!” John, clearly used to his wife’s utter inability to handle frustration after a long week of Levi, no sleep, and a severe lack of caffeine, just continued looking, and I went and threw myself on the couch to brood in not-too-silent misery. Not even one minute later: “Here it is!”
“What? In the closet? But I LOOKED THERE FIFTY TIMES!”
“Yep. Right there in the front. You go ahead and go shopping and I’ll watch Levi…ok?”
OK!
I’m surprised I made it to Kroger’s and back in one piece. I did forget some of the stuff on my list, but that’s nothing new.
So I’m really hoping I get over this cold, and QUICK, before I forget something really serious and do something crazy like burn down my apartment complex or lose my child.
(P.S. I have an AMAZING husband.)
